The grudge becomes part of your identity.The person who wronged you lives rent-free in your brain.You may sometimes wish for bad things to happen to the person who treated you so crappily.It’s the kind of anger that can turn on us,” he says, potentially causing us more harm than the initial offense.Īn unhealthy grudge, says Enright, who is the author of Forgiveness is a Choice: A Step-by-Step Process for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope, and founder of the International Forgiveness Institute, lists a few qualities that distinguish it from merely being mad or annoyed. “Holding a grudge is the kind of anger that takes up residence in the human heart and doesn’t know how to leave. While the dictionary definition of a grudge is simply being mad at someone for something they did, “holding a grudge” refers to “a qualitatively different kind of anger than healthy anger,” says Robert Enright, PH.D., a professor of educational psychology at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, who has been studying forgiveness for 40 years. It’s not even really about the person who did you dirt at all - it’s about all the benefits to your mental and physical health you will experience if you manage to dump your grudge.Įasy? No, but doable. Well, here’s some hopefully helpful info: Moving on from a grudge doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be angry, and you don’t have to forgive the person or even talk to them. I wish I could move on, but what that person did is so bad I truly don’t think I can.Letting go means forgiving them and they don’t deserve my forgiveness.If I drop it, it’s like saying what they did is okay when it’s so not.
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